Months of Faberry
by Ms.Informed13
Summary: "It's a month past labor day and you wonder if she's been painting her white wrists red since then you desperately want to tie up her cuts with ribbon suture her skin with bows show her that she's the prettiest preset you've ever seen" A Faberry story told in poetic-ness through Rachel's POV, each chapter is another month in the year.
1. August

**A/N- So this is an idea I've been playing with for a while now, trying to write something poetic and I think I finally figured out how I can do it. Each chapter is a month in the school year (Junior year) for the Glee kids. It's pretty much AU but with a cheerio Quinn and whatever Rachel is. It's told from Rachel's point of view and there will be trigger warnings in later chapters of self harm which I will warn you about in those chapters. Um, I hope you enjoy this story! It won't be updated for a bit because I'm going to be away from internet.**

******* I'm posting three chapters at once so please stick through and read all 3 before making a judgement, they're short. Thanks for reading!**

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In August you learn about parabolas  
your teacher says the for 'asymptotic'  
when something goes infinitely close to but never touches something else

You laugh because now you have a word to define your relationship with her;  
you get infinitely close but never touch  
you can never quite get close enough to her atmosphere

But that's alright because it's the beginning of the year and she looks so damn pretty in her new summer dresses

It's only the second day of classes and you spent most of the first day trying to contain your smile as you discover you have three classes with her this year  
She is the same as ever  
aloof, breathtaking, effortlessly flawless

She comes to the first meeting of Glee club and you find that you completely miss everything Mr. Schuester is trying to tell you  
you're too busy watching her out of the corner of your eyes  
trying to figure out the best way to inconspicuously memorize every graceful plane of her face

Her hair is still dramatically shorter than it had been for most of the previous two years in school,  
but you like it better this way  
her neck is far too perfect to be hidden behind her golden mane

You blush because you realize that you've just mentally called her hair a 'mane'  
nobody notices

Math classes become your favorite  
not because you enjoy the material- math and you have been at odds since fifth grade  
but because she sits directly diagonal to you

There aren't any other cheerios in this class (it's too advanced for most of them)  
so you're the only person she knows  
yesterday during work time she turned to you and asked you a question

It took all of your willpower to not get lost in her eyes and give her an intelligent response  
when you did, she smiled at you, said 'thanks' and turned back forwards  
it occurred to you that was the first time Quinn Fabray said 'thanks' to you

You try not to dwell on the fact that her smile is asymptotic too  
it gets infinitely close but never quite reaches her eyes.


	2. September

**A/N- I'm posting three chapters at once so please stick through and read all 3 before making a judgement, they're short. Thanks for reading!**

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In September you forget a lot of things  
you forget how to factor, you forget most of US History, you forget your keys, you forget your bag,  
and briefly you forget how to breathe  
and i's all her fault

See, she sits next to you in science and joins tutoring to earn community service hours  
suddenly you need a lot of extra help  
between the hours of studying and memorizing facts,  
you steal moments to study her flawless features

Slowly but surely, day by day, the bags beneath her eyes grow  
you wonder what she's been carrying in there  
but you can't stay hung up on that for too long  
because she takes your breath away, quite literally

One day you forget your keys in your last period class and after you get them, she runs into you in the hallway  
falling backwards onto your ass, you can't breathe  
and you can't help but smile  
because you find it hilarious how someone who can't seem to catch her own breath take your right away

She can take your breath away any day because when you see her you feel like drowning  
like Icarus flew too close to the sun  
you don't mind melting if it's from being near to her  
you seem to be melting so much this month and you know it's not from the heat

The sumer is waning just as the girl you used to know is  
she's being slowly replaced by a waxing ice queen  
her hard angles don't soften nearly as often as they used to and long gone are her laughter lines, now replaced by questioning creases and squared jaws.  
and you can just feel something bad is coming on like when you hear the jaws theme music

You're just waiting for the monster to snap her up  
it's funny how the monster isn't always who you expect it to be  
sometimes Jekyll and Hyde are hidden in plain sight


	3. October

**A/N- I'm posting three chapters at once so please stick through and read all 3 before making a judgement, they're short. Thanks for reading! *Trigger warning, self harm**

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This is a hard month and you're the first to notice she wears her long sleeves like a shield  
nobody else seems to see anything out of the ordinary so you just wait  
until that one day  
when she slips up

You're sitting in physics and the teacher tells your that you're doing a lab  
she's your table partner so you're paired together to learn about circuits  
batteries, wires, and clips litter your desk  
everything is hooked up and you wait

She flips the switch and everything seems to work fine at first  
then something starts smoking  
you lung for the closest wire and she for the battery  
blowing smoke away like fugitives, you hide the mistake

Nobody's seen and you fall back into your chairs with relieved smiles and careful laughs  
that's when you see it  
her sleeve slipped up past her wrist to her mid-forearm  
and it's covered in a crisscrossing storm of red lines

It takes all of your will power to reconnect the wires and not stare  
but it nags you unbearably as she yanks the fabric down again  
hopes you didn't notice  
but you did

It's a month past labor day and you wonder if she's been painting her white wrists red since then  
you desperately want to tie up her cuts with ribbon  
suture her skin with bows  
show her that she's the prettiest preset you've ever seen

Not the burden she se's herself to be  
if only you were so brave  
you're not  
you don't

Instead you reconnect the wires to the battery and try again  
smile when the little bulb lights up  
it takes all your strength not to grab her wrists  
shake her like the delicate porcelain doll you've begun to see her as  
but you're afraid she would break

Instead you gently reach out and place one of your hands on her arm  
you swear you can feel the cuts burning up through her sleeve and scarring your palm  
'You did really good'  
you see it in her eyes, she knows you know

And she knows you won't say anything  
she doesn't move her arm away and it means the world to you  
'thanks'  
that's two.


	4. November

'When there's nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire'  
the line runs through your head like a tired jogger  
limping and brokenly stepping around the track in a monotone circle  
but you can't make it get out

Because the fire in her eyes seems to have given up  
this month she just looks so defeated and you can't figure out why  
until you hear a couple of girls giggling about what dresses they are wearing to the chastity ball in the hallway  
and everything makes sense

See you've spent the past four months learning and memorizing everything about Quinn Fabray  
you know her schedule just as good as your own  
you know that she always waits until math to fill up her water bottle because she want an excuse to leave  
you know that she twirls her golden cross around it's chain when she's thinking or nervous

Lately she's been getting a red line around her neck from all the tension from the chain  
it's been weighing her down like an anchor  
which you never really understand because you always thought religion was to relieve your worries  
her's just seem to be compounding

The Friday of the ball during school, you catch her in the bathroom at lunch crying  
tears track down her face like they're trying to escape from her  
you want to hold your palm to her cheek  
gather them up and pour them into a wishing well

Instead you wet a paper towel and hand it to her,  
lean against the sink beside hers and wait for her to stop sniffling  
when she does, she doesn't look at you, just talks to her reflection  
'I had a baby at sixteen and I was disowned.'

It isn't news to you, but you know she needs to get it out so you wait  
'my parents kicked me out and then my boyfriend kicked me out because he wasn't the father'  
she takes a deep steadying breath and levels you with a chillingly collected look  
'last year I was the princess of the chastity ball. this year I'm the laughing stock.'

You step forward and pull her into your arms  
hold her tight until the bell rings signaling the end of the lunch period  
when you step back and release her, she trails her hands down your arms until she reaches your wrists  
hangs onto them like a life line

Like she's sinking and you're her life preserver  
the only thing keeping her from going under  
'thank you Rachel'  
that's four


	5. December

**A/N- Thank you for reading this story, and your continued support. And also thank you gllover for your reviews, they make me smile! Hope y'all enjoy this chapter. **

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In December she falls, hard, and you aren't there to catch her  
it was an accident, the Cheerios had to move inside and practice in the gyms because of the weather  
one of the spotters slips on the hard wood floor and she hits the ground from five feet up  
you see her as she's limping to her car after practice- you've been avoiding going home

But her little red volkswagon bug is right near your car so you walk a little faster until you're side by side  
her smile upon seeing you turns into a grimace as she brokenly hobbles forward  
a harsh breath coming out in a little puff of steam each time her right foot hits the ground  
you slow down as you approach a patch ice in front of your cars

When she slips, your arm is around her waist in an instant pulling her safely into you, a pained cry escapes her lips and you both freeze  
'are you alright?'  
silent tears begin rolling down her cheeks as she wordlessly repositions your hand higher to support her around the ribcage  
she trows her arm over your shoulders

You try to calm your racing heart and tell yourself that it's just to help her get to her car  
but the top of your hand is so close to a place you never thought you would touch  
you remind yourself that she's hurting and you're just there to help her  
you assist her in hobbling until you're between the two of your cars, safely off the ice

She fumbles for her keys and the words are out of your mouth before you can think them through  
'let me drive you home'  
they hang in the air between you as fleeting as the steam from your warm breaths  
'I just mean that you seem like your in pain and I would hate for you to be unsafe with the roads as icy as they are' you backpedal

'That would be great' she says, putting you out of your misery  
on the way to her house she explains what happened  
you can't help but think that her words aren't poetry but they're the most beautiful things you've heard  
'thanks' she says when you pull up to her house

You park on the curb and don't hesitate getting out and opening her door  
you walk her all the way up the drive and pause as she pulls out her keys  
'I can pick you up tomorrow before school' you offer while she's slipping the key in the front door, 'I just mean since you left your car at school so you won't be able to drive there since you don't have your car'  
she makes you ramble in the worst way possible

But she smiles as you trip over your words, cutting your knees on their harsh edges like children on a playground  
you want to offer her a dandelion you've picked from the grassy field  
but she's too busy rocking on the swings, flying higher and higher away from all the other kids below  
so you content yourself with watching her take off.


	6. January

**A/N- Here's another chapter, enjoy!**

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Someone once told you to never go to the gym in early January if you can avoid it  
His explanation: New Years resolutions  
All the ambitious people who vowed to get in shape take to the machines and there's no space for people who actually exercise  
This year, you resolve to save Quinn Fabray

It's easier said than done but you make it your mission nonetheless  
You start off small- you try to talk to her at least once a day and when you do, you always ask how she is  
Most times she says 'I'm fine.'  
Some days her smile is more forced than others

You notice it's mainly on Mondays she is like this  
After church  
After two whole days of exposure to only her parents  
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to deduce where hr problems are coming from

One day towards the end of the month, she finally cracks  
It's Monday after glee and you're walking through the parking lot together- more often than not you do now  
You're still in the middle of the conversation when you hit the car so after dropping your bags inside you lean against your respective vehicles and continue  
Her eyes are so bright as she's telling you this story about when she first met Santana

When she finishes there's a brief silence and you both just sort of look at each other  
You're the one to break it  
'Quinn, are you alright?'  
Her eyes are completely defenseless as the customary 'I'm fine' gets stuck somewhere in her throat

What comes out instead is the most honest word you've ever heard  
'No'  
What follows is completely unpredictable  
'My life is falling apart around me'

This is the most open she's ever been, you stay quiet, afraid of spooking her like an injured animal  
'Nothing I do is ever good enough' she whispers totally defeated  
You put a reassuring hand on her elbow  
'I understand'

Suddenly she stiffens, pulling out of your reach  
'But you don't! Nobody does!  
You don't understand what it's like for your father to loathe you. You don't know how it feels to be resented by your family  
You aren't drowning in unattainable expectations, walking on a tightrope in a hurricane'

Hot tears prick the corners of her eyes making them glassy  
Before you can do anything she turns and the moment falls,  
Shattered like an introspective mirror around the two of you, now lying useless on the pavement  
You watch her drive away

That night you send her one text before you fall asleep  
'I may not understand, but I want to. I'll always be here for you.'  
She replies just before you nod off  
'Thank you'


End file.
